


Exactly what I want

by favorroses



Series: Trans Inquisitor [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: But he is, Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, I have now realized I spelt vhenan wrong, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inquisitor described as "lavellan" so it can be any lavellan, It happens, Lavellan worries hes not good enough, M/M, Scars, Trans Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Trans Male Character, Undefined Lavellan (Dragon Age), Undefined Male Inquisitor (Dragon Age), alot of amatus and vhenhan bc i'm a sucker, but i'll put it as warning, its fairly mild, its soft, they cuddle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 20:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19303078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/favorroses/pseuds/favorroses
Summary: Its 3am and I wanted some soft trans pavellan, so this is not beta read, sorry if there is any mistakes.





	Exactly what I want

Lavellan stood at the mirror, staring down at what he was. Slim, lanky, tiny. Feminine. Curvy. Disgusting. Not himself.

He kept his eyes glued to the mirror, picking at everything he disliked about himself. The scars around his chest, his thighs, the fat from his breasts resting out in the open, scars littering his chest due to lavellans own anger. Screaming at himself, he cried out of anger at his own body, his own self. Couldn’t he be happier? Why couldn’t he be what Dorian wants, what he needs, and why, why did he choose such a broken... thing, some lost elf, over the happy and healthy men he could easily have. He wonders why, oh maker why, he chose this broken elf. How did he, of all, get this beautiful man, and in return, the man got such a broken and helpless being, not even of what he wants, nor needs. Lavellan kept at the mirror, still staring and picking, both anger and sadness flowing through the elf as he pulled and prodded at his breasts, angrily screaming at himself and wishing that they were just gone. It wasn’t him. They weren’t his, it’s not fair, it’s not right-

 

“Amatus?” Dorian opens their shared commons door, looking up to find his lover, picking at himself again in the mirror they had in the corner. “Kaffas, why do we even have such a thing?” He mumbles to himself, softly shutting the door behind him as he walked over to his partner. Lavellan still stood there, not registering his lovers presence, still again, staring at his scars and chest sadly, showing no emotion as he prodded at his body. “Amatus- Darling, hey..” Dorian attempted again to get Lavellans attention, putting his hand carefully on his lovers shoulder. Lavellan still stared at his reflection, a small tear falling down his pale skin. “It’s.. it’s just not fair, vhenhan.” He whispers, staring at himself again, prodding more. “This, it’s not fair to you.” He whispers, soft and small. “I’m not what you desire.” He looks back down, more tears falling, and more threatening to fall. “I’m just.. such a broken.. thing and I just. Can’t be what you want at all.” He keeps his whisper small, still looking down and prodding at his chest. “And I’m so sorry, vhenhan, that I can’t be what you need or want.” More of his tears slide down his cheeks, as he tries to keep calm. Dorian stands behind his distraught lover, still holding his hand on his shoulder, saddened by the words and emotions that have overcame him. “Well, As much as I appreciate the thought of what I need, or what you think I need, what I need is you Amatus.” He smiles softly at the elf, moving his hands over his Amatus’ forearms. “May I?” He whispers, the elf nods slowly as Dorian takes his hands and holds them in his own, and turns the elf towards him, and holds him in a soft hold. Lavellan slowly sinks into the soft hold, softly crying into his lovers chest as Dorian gives a soft kiss to the top of his head and rubs his back soothingly. “While I do adore this standing up thing we’ve got going on here Lavellan, there is a nice place to lay down and do the same thing.” He keeps a hold of the elf, still rubbing at his back in soft circles in an attempt to soothe him. 

 

Lavellan gives a soft laugh “always trying to get me into bed are you vhenhan?” He mumbles, hiding into Dorians chest, as he sniffles and gives off a soft smile to the other male. “I do no such thing Lavellan, why, that is atrocious!” He teases back, smiling as he pulls back from their hold, taking Lavellans hand and taking him to their bed, away from the dreadful mirror. “There’s no need to be near that thing after all, Amatus.” He pulls Lavellan into his lap, holding him from behind. “Besides, these don’t matter to me anyways, since you are you, Lavellan.” Dorian rests his head on his shoulder. “And you being yourself is all I can ask for, since you, are in in fact, stunning.” He smiles, looking up at his Amatus. Lavellan sniffs, a few stray tears falling from his eyes again. “You’re too kind, vhenhan.” He whispers “too kind to someone like me..” he sighs sadly, looking away from Dorian, who was frowning. “Someone like you..?” He questions, Running his hand along Lavellans arm. “Someone like me. Someone like me who is broken beyond standard repair, maker, why do you stay here at all?” Lavellan looks back at Dorian, tears in his eyes “I’m sorry that you have this vhenhan. You don’t deserve to carry my own burden as well as your own.” He rubs at his eyes, sniffling again. “You don’t deserve to carry this burden either, Lavellan. No one does.” Dorian grabs one of the blankets from their bed and wraps him in the blanket. “But I’ve decided that it’s very much worth it, if it’s helps you even for a little bit.” He pulls Lavellan into another soft hold, as he snuggles into his lovers chest, wrapping his arms around Dorian. “Anything is worth carrying, if it’s going to help you, Amatus.” He smiles, holding his Lavellan closer “And you are what I need, Amatus, because you are you, a stunningly attractive male, and that’s exactly what I want.” 


End file.
